FEAR

jaime e. masagca

#advocatusdiaboli

#chasinglightschasingdreams

 

Fear or fright is “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain or a threat”. With this definition, the emotion is therefore premised on the uncertain, the unexpected, the unknown, or the strained expectation of something similar to what occurred in the past.

 

However fear may develop with age. As a youth riding a plane on turbulent skies and can’t land didn’t scare me, and so with sailing on frothing seas. But as I aged I react differently.

 

Each one of us has fear of anything from the mundane to the extraordinary. While some may be fearful of cockroaches, mice, or worms I am not, but fearful of injections, a fear I have so far not conquered and a result of unpleasant experiences with needles. 

 

During my teens, I had this nasty toothache that I went to the first open Dental Clinic that I saw. The good old man plunged the needle where it hurts most. This experience was repeated later in my life, but the Dentist has warned me that it will hurt. Indeed it does hurt.

 

My in-between experience was when the gunshot wound in my back opened after the surgeon removed the stitches too soon. So back to the hospital after waking up with my bed soaked in blood.

 

I was also warned that it will hurt, which I had the impression that it will as the surgeon and his assistant prayed before plunging half of the hypodermic needle in the middle of my open wound. Boy! It hurts more than the bullet.

 

This explains my anxiety about the vaccination process.

 

But fear may be conquered after the second try of performing something feared of and totally erased thereafter. 

 

As a kid I would try to jump out of a high window and it became less scary after several attempts. And so with making motocross jumps, so long as you have full concentration and coordination on man and machine.

 

I love heights but on terra firma or on solid grounds. I have a fondness for climbing mountains that my favorite pastime then was enjoying the view and fresh air at the City’s highest peak, higher than Ligñon Hill.

 

But going up tall buildings that sway like Taipeh 101 in Taiwan and the Petronas Tower of Kuala Lumpur is no no for me.

But I had no choice but to go up the observation deck of Tokyo World Trade Center in Japan, a mere 40 stories high but the fear of riding a high-speed elevator added to the anxiety.

The elevator ride took only a couple of minutes but I didn’t feel a thing, unlike local ones where the sway and upward/downward motion are noticeable. 

And the night view from the top was breathtaking, and I never want to get down if not for the closing time.

 

Fear is knowing that you are not in control, that some form of “security blanket” is necessary, like Reese’s Teddy, Bugoy’s Doggie, and Linus van Pelt’s blanket in Peanuts.

 

Yes, fear is fear only of the unknown, the unexpected... but needles and injections are different things

 for me.